G.I. Joe Retaliation Review


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Nearly a year ago I had the opportunity to see a test screening of G.I. Joe: Retaliation. I have been sitting on my feelings about the movie since then. I have let slip a few times here and there on The Gorram Nerd Hour that I hated it. So why did I watch it again? For the same reason I watched the other movies I’ve seen at test screenings again, to see what they changed. It’s always interesting what the studios take away from the comment cards they ask you to fill out at the end of a test screening. On my card I filled it with stuff like “Why was this movie greenlit?” and “What was the point?” Did I change my opinions after the reshoots? Or were the “fixes” they made just as bad?

When I first saw the movie the only positive thing I took away from it was that Snake Eyes was awesome. I love Ray Park and he gave the movie his all despite how bad it was. Sort of like what he did for Star Wars: Episode I. With the reshoots we got a little more Duke, played by Channing Tatum. In the original version Duke was dead as fast as it takes the average person to blink. Of course, by the time the movie started I was praying for toothpicks to keep my eyes open because my eyes just wanted to close to avoid having to take in anymore of that horrible movie. The Duke scenes were designed as a passing of the torch to Road Block, played by Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Although the movie worked better watching Tatum and Johnson play off each other. The moment Tatum was out of the movie the fun left with it…until Bruce Willis entered the movie. Sadly, this fact has not changed. Sure, they added a couple more scenes with Tatum and Johnson together but teasing the audience with a fun movie for a few more minutes only serves to enrage them more overall. 

Duke still dies…oops, sorry. I meant to warn people of spoilers. Oh well, too late. After his death the movie falls into a boring lull for a good 40 minutes until Willis enters. Cobra Commander, Zartan and Firefly couldn’t bring the fun. Adrianne Padalecki (sic) couldn’t save it by looking hot as Lady Jaye. Nothing worked. Not even the coolness of Jonathan Pryce and Walton Goggins. This still has not changed from the previous version. There were random tweaks done to the movie but none so substantial that it made it worth watching. 

In all fairness I will say this. The few changes that were made to the movie made the film a bit more enjoyable. In fact, I think I’ve come to the conclusion that I liked this one almost as much as first. That’s still not a compliment. At least the first had a bit more of an emotional aspect to it. Plus it tried harder. This was just lazy screenwriting. I don’t blame the director or the actors. They did what they could. But when you polish a turd all it does is make the cloth dirty.

A quick note to the writers – Zombieland was fun. Was it a fluke? Or did you just sell out? If Deadpool ever gets made I’ve now become scared about what you’re gonna do with it. Are you going to be the next Ehren Kruger? 

I’m done. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. 

For the original version of the movie I give it 1/2 * out of 5. For the reshot and delayed version I give it 1 and 1/2 *’s out of *****. 

I’m sure Brian and I will be discussing this on the next episode of The Gorram Nerd Hour so make sure you tune in for it.

Ghostbusters 3 Back On?


Rumor has it that Ghostbusters 3 is now going to happen by summer. I don’t want to say I am opposed to the idea. I’m not. I just don’t like that Bill Murray doesn’t want to come back and they still plan to move ahead with or without him. If they can’t get the main four guys there’s no point.

Ivan Reitman, the director of the first two films, had another movie in pre-production at Paramount that just got put into turnaround. Supposedly the reason Paramount did this was to allow him to make Ghostbusters 3. I don’t see Paramount and Sony working so well together to allow Reitman to bail on them for a higher profile project. I have a feeling they didn’t have enough faith in him or the script and that’s why it happened. I think Paramount and Reitman are just trying to save face. In the last 15 years Reitman has been floundering as a director making bad movies like Evolution and My Super Ex-Girlfriend. That’s greatly diminished his clout. He needs Ghostbusters to get back on top. Dan Aykroyd has been pushing to make this happen for years. That’s not a good thing either. He did the sequel to The Blues Brothers, sullying the memory of John Bulushi, and now is considering making an third Ghostbusters without Bill Murray. I say no.

Sure, I have faith in Etan Cohen as a writer but without all the pieces this could very easily fall apart. I would rather have no new Ghostbusters than an inferior sequel too many years after the fact. Let’s just hope it all comes together right or not at all. We don’t need another Star Wars or Indiana Jones type screw up. If it could be like Rocky or Rambo I would be okay with it.

At this point I guess it’s just a wait and see kind of thing.